Thoughts on Submission: Part 1

Submission.

Defined -
The act of submitting to the power of another.
The state of having submitted. See Synonyms at surrender.
The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.


Its a word you hear a lot though not in ways that really stand out. Certainly a lot of people submit things to magazines and editors, hoping to get published. People submit applications all the time for jobs and loans, for just about anything to do something in life. You even have to submit an application to be approved to be married legally. In each and every one of those people are submitting to the will of a 'higher power' as it were.

And what I really don't get is why in a society where everything must be approved by others, where we are constantly answering to 'higher ups' and 'submitting' ourselves, our desires for their stamp of approval, people have such a fear of the word submissive.

Oh its fine if its just talking about an animal being submissive to an alpha, a weaker being. But the thought of another human being truly and fully submitting themselves to someone just seems to raise some people's hackles. It's amusing to me, the people who claim its wrong, that its 'evil' and bad. Life is power exchanged, sure its not all kinky and fun like D/s can be but whether one likes it or not there are people who will control you, or situations that will, just as there are people or situations you yourself will have to control.

Power, its what makes the world go round.

Society however does not see it that way, at least not now, not in 'modern' times with equality for all genders and sexes and such. Its funny, go about fifty/sixty years ago and a man leading the house while the wife stayed home and tended the family was typical. Not so much now. But even then they would have frowned upon the kink part of it I guess. Its funny how people fear what they don't know. We live in America, the so called land of the free where we are suppose to have this amazing gift to live our lives however we want. Only we don't, not really. After all a submissive who's into caging and humiliation, if they lived that lifestyle out in the open would probably be committed to an insane asylum. A Sadist would go to jail. A 'little girl' would be heavily shrinked and her 'Daddy' probably in prison.

So how free are we really? If we can't live our lives as we desire because society is uncomfortable with that its not true freedom, that's conforming to the majority.

Which makes how many people are into kink, the lifestyle, the scene, whatever you want to call it sort of hilarious, so afraid other's will find out about it when they likely do it as well. I bet three in every ten people that you encounter in everyday are involved in kink in some way and at least half of them think about it in some way, even if its something as simple as handcuffs and teasing a lover or being teased.

Why are we so ashamed of what we desire? Why are we so afraid to admit it? Where did this sense of guilt come from when its perfectly natural to desire these things? When they are a natural part of life that we really aren't going to get away from? So many questions poise on my lips, wanting to be shared with the world as a whole but I'll not voice them, they would fall on deaf or offensive ears. So I'll write them out here, share them here and hope that a few will see this and think about it. Maybe I'll get lucky and alter someone's view of it...probably not.

I guess its that we want to be better then animals, want to go beyond the 'weak' giving to the 'strong' after all that's entirely too Darwin for our modern society. But then there is always the 'weak' and the 'strong'.

One thing that most people seem to miss is the fact that the power in a D/s relationship truly lays with the submissive. That's right, the submissive is the one that gives, the one that surrenders themselves to another person and gives up control of themselves. But they are the ones who limits are followed, who have the right and the power to walk away from the situation if it does not fit for them. Granted that's not saying that some don't get abused, that some don't get into bad situations, they do, but that's life. Its all about trust, its about knowing how to pick who you trust and just why you trust them.

I use to be terrified of submission, of D/s, I saw that as what my mother and stepfather had been. But it wasn't.

I know some people are completely happy with vanilla lives, so I'm not trying to push this on anyone and say its the only way to live. That said I think a BDSM relationship can be the most beautiful thing in ones life if you let it.

BDSM, submission...its not all about kink, its not all about sexy play. Its about trust and love. Its about finding that person (or people) that touch your heart and make it sing, that make you shine like a fallen star in all the glory of the love that lays in your heart for them. There are many kinds of love. A good relationship needs the same things anywhere, trust, communication and the ability to work together. Submission or rather D/s stresses these by default and the power play that comes from that....oh its the most beautiful sort of dance of power and souls imaginable.

I have never felt more whole then when he has made me utterly his, utterly beneath his power.

And I love him, because yes, to me submission is a way of loving and I couldn't submit without loving. But that's a subject for the next blog...how romance and submission/BDSM can not only go together but work brilliantly hand in hand.