Preperation Time

That's what I'm in right now. Prep time for the biggest move I've done yet in my life.

Moving in with my Love, my fiance and Master.

Heaven knows I'm so very very excited about it, its all I can think of sometimes. I know that it won't all be easy things, that sometimes we are going to hate each other and fight but those low moments will so be worth it. That I do know without a doubt, because of who we are and just how very very much we love each other. Its insane, to think about, just a month away from waking up with him every morning and sleeping at his side every night. It seems like the greatest gift I could imagine to be able to reach out and touch him when I wake up and know he's right there with me. The past near two years have been spent mostly apart with weeks here and there of together and then a month or more apart. And each time he leaves it feels like he takes a little more of me with him.

Odd how one changes.

I have always been so adamant about being independent, about standing on my own and never needing anyone. Now I know that I can't live my life that way. I had a scary moment about a week or so back where I thought I lost him and I didn't know if I would want to live without him. That wasn't a good reaction and something I should work on, I have to live with or without him. I think I could. But I would never forget him, never get over loosing him. He is my soulmate, he is so much a part of me...I don't know where he ends and I begin sometimes. But that's a good thing.

Now its lists, lists and plans and budgets, figuring out where we need for the apartment, for the kitchen, the bedroom...and of course for school.

I've been doing a lot of art lately, focusing on line and color, on finding my own Illustration style, I did change my major to Illustration after all and I want to be ready for this fall. I'll be taking some very hard demanding classes. But I'm so excited for them, I'm sure I'll do wonderfully with my Love to be there with me every day, to encourage me when I'm low and seduce me into good moods with amazing bed play when I get depressed. I know a lot of people say not to build up expectations and fairytales in your head about how its going to be when you are living with someone, but the fact is that I can't help it and well most of them are based off stuff we already do that makes us both very happy. And we are both big about talking and being aware of how our relationship is going, of making sure the other is okay. Sometimes we are better at it then others but we are still pretty good.

Relationships are hard work but my love, my relationship with him is what I want the master piece of my life to be.

I feel like I'm blossoming right now, getting more comfortable in my own skin. I'm exploring new things in my art and having fun with it, I'm pushing boundaries in my writing and devoting myself to the things I love. He and I are talking a lot and figuring out where we are and where we want to be. I have some amazing friends who are just there whenever I need them and even when I don't.

Its odd, having friends in person that I don't have to hide anything from. Sunshine and Pink (her best friend from high school and a wonderful amazing friend of mine) and Ari all write on the same forums I do, we all know about BDSM and poly and it just flows. I don't have to hide any part of myself I don't want and while their acceptance isn't to the level of Master's yet that's mostly because I haven't shared all those deep dark places with anyone but him. But that's how its suppose to be I think, he's my Prince, he's the one that turned a nightmare into a fairytale.

I think about the wedding a lot now...my dress will be here in a few months. I think I know where I want it. I know the time and the colors and I day dream about it. I'm thinking I might not want a traditional cake...still thinking about what I want and how it will be special to me. An apartment, a wedding, a dream of Italy for the honeymoon. My life is moving forward in so many ways, ways I never thought would be open to me.

So a month...and then that next big step, that commitment to a 15 month lease of living together and just...good or bad, whatever it brings I welcome it and look forward to it.

I know we'll come through together.