We-l-come

Welcome
That's what I'm going to write this blog about, being welcomed, welcoming things, people, all of those things. Its a simple word, probably used a lot, welcome. You enter a store and there's usually a welcome sign; enter a restaurant and someone is sure to chime it at you with a bright smile. Take a class in something and the first thing the teacher will do is 'welcome' you and explain things.

But it is so much more then just that, then just the word. We-l-come.

We'll come. Sort of sounds the same doesn't it? Bear with my oddness, I'm sure this is going somewhere. I guess I'm in a funny mood today, or a strange one, though those are close enough to the same thing.

For as often as it is said, written, put on doormats and otherwise spread through our world we don't really 'welcome' people a lot of times. We like our lives the way they are, I have to wonder how many waitress's chime the word and really think 'oh god not more people' or something of the like. Certainly it seems to fit into this notion that we have to be 'welcoming' to strangers, to new comers, etc, that we have to be polite and friendly, part of the all American charm. People who aren't automatically open and charming are usually thought of as 'withdrawn', 'snobby' or something of the like. Look at the stereotype we put on Europeans, mostly Brit's as being dry or cold. But they aren't.

I've had a lot of false welcome's in my life, a lot of people seeming to want me there, to be around, a lot of people saying the words that polite society has taught them to say. And you know what? I hated it. I still do. A smile and a 'oh its so nice to meet you, welcome to such and such' doesn't really make me feel a whole lot better then I can see that it doesn't carry out to more then words. I think that's a big issue for my generation and for the culture I live in as a whole, that we feel the need to do so much lip service and say what is 'right' and 'proper', though perhaps proper is the wrong word, maybe accepted. Because a lot of what fits in in our culture is so far from proper its hard to fathom.

So...where this is going and what it has to actually do with my life....I really am odd sometimes. Most people can't follow the jumps my mind makes in person. I'm thankful Master works so hard to.

As a foster kid I had the 'welcome' thing slung around a bit more then most people probably, all the new homes, new workers, new counselor's, all that. And for as often as the word was said I never once really felt 'welcomed'. I don't think Master has ever said the word actually....I'll have to ask him once I finish this.

The first time in my life I think that I felt what welcome really truly meant was when I came here, to my new 'Mom's' house. She made me feel like part of her family, like her daughter. She helped me, encouraged me, advised me but never pushed me. Her daughter, my friend M was really wonderful about it as well. I have never felt so much a part of a family before, and for someone that has lived in so many different houses with...I think at least eleven different sets of 'parents' that is saying something rather remarkable.

I'm a little nervous now, thinking about this summer.

Master is on his way here right now. And then I'll be packing up my stuff to go back with him, to spend the summer back in Texas with my aunt and uncle. Only I won't be spending it just with them, probably a lot more with my friend Sunshine (that's what I call her <3 I'm her Dove). I adore Sunshine, I really really do. She is just...incredible in a way that I can't name really. She's a sub, like me, and in the lifestyle, poly too, though a masochist where I'm not. But our tastes in so much else works together and we make each other laugh and smile a lot. Its so easy to talk to her, to share parts of myself I usually hold in in fear. And she, she is so so STRONG, so incredible in all she had lived through and still does, a really amazing person. And I'm going to be staying with her for a bit, right there with her in person and I'm terrified that she won't like me as much in person, though she has said that's silly.

She made me feel so accepted and welcomed even through the 'stiff' form of communication of text and I am looking forward to meeting her in person, to knowing that warmth in reality. But after all the false friends I am so nervous and terrified as well. But that will pass, I'm sure.

I have to say....I want to be the type of person that when I welcome someone, when I say something, no one will ever doubt my sincerity in my words.

So...welcome to my insane ramblings xp