Little Time to Think

I have fallen off blogging.

I didn't mean to, its more that school, and well life in general has swallowed me up whole. I hardly have enough time in the day to myself, that isn't full of something, in some manner or another. No more time for just sitting still and thinking. I miss it partly, so I'm going to try to start doing it again more. But yes, school has overwhelmed a lot of things, its pushing me, driving me nuts and challenging. I use to think I wanted that, but now I have to seriously doubt my sanity since I sought out this crazy school. I've taken and sustained several blows to my psyche the last few months with the C's I get, which mean, here that I"m doing what I'm expected to do. If you get an A, you shouldn't be in that class. How hard to accept that, that grades, in the end, really don't matter.

We have been programed for so many years that grades are all important, that they are how we measure our worth and success in life against. And then once we get out of school, out of traditional colleges, and into real life, or some crazy situation like my school, we realize just how little they mean. And damn, let me tell you, its hard to adjust. Its hard to realize that suddenly, everything we believed was important, really isn't. However, there are upsides. Now its all about what I produce, what the end product is. And you know what, sure I'm not all that great yet, but I'm a lot better then I was when I started this semester. Art is hard, its so hard to not compare yourself against everyone else, but its all subjective, because art is part of you. It isn't as clear cut as English and History, though let me tell you, I have my moments wishing it was.

But part of that is good, because it makes me realize that you can't compare yourself against other people. You just can't. There really were always be someone better then you (in this school more like probably, a hundred, since they are ahead of you). So you have to stop obsessing over what you can't do and focus on what you can and just kick up the work level until you can do all that you need to.

"Life is about failure."

Its true, but its not quiet that simple. Life is about how you get around that failure, its about how you take that failure and improve, move past and come out on top at the end. So heres to coming out on top for all of us. Just remember to be yourself, because, that my friend, is something only you can do. Only I can be, only I can bring to the table my art, my ideas and my emotions. So that makes me special, especially to the people who want me for me.

School is drawing towards the end, the frenzy of finals is just about to eat me up and possess me. I'll have to make an effort to just sit down and think things out and write my blogs. I didn't realize how such a little thing helped so much with keeping me sane. And as an artist, you need all the sane you can get.