New Year's Reflections

Happy New Years.

And make happy a key word for me.

Its been a rough fall, a rough traveling period and a rough few days to be certain. I think some of that showed in my last blog. But you know what, this is a new year, one that I will make my own and one that I will start off with good thoughts. Because while the colors the last few days that have tainted and tinted my world and canvas have been dark, its a new year and I have several special people who are brightening my world.

And for them I am so grateful.

Currently the brightest colors in my life are my aunt and uncle, they are my support and my family, they make me laugh and smile. My mother, as several know, has currently pulled my siblings out of my life completely. If you read my last blog you know that losing my siblings the first time basically broke my heart, and yesterday morning I was upset and my heart was broken slightly at least. Yet my uncle and aunt braced me, took me out to spend time with them and talk over things. Instead of focusing and keening over the fact that I lost my siblings I am distracted by planning for school and family time.

I went out East to a school that was a compromise between what I wanted and what my family expected. Now, this semester, I am going to a school that I want, doing what I want. Art is my soul, the center of my being. I view myself as a piece of art, as are all humans, which is why I love to paint and draw people, because then I can understand the art that is their life and soul. My uncle has been helping me figure out what I'm going to need, they have offered to pay for housing to help, and everything is falling into line. What I thought would be impossible is coming to life, sort of the way art does. You can create amazing, wondrous things that no one would believe to be true in art, but I didn't think it would happen in life as well. Its a lovely surprise.

My new year will be missing some colors, that of my mother and siblings. But added colors. The colors of the people here, the people that I meet at school, the colors of experience and love and knowledge and hurt. All of them are needed. For they will shape my year and who I am. I am me, there is no changing or doubting the core of what I am, but the people I have in my life, who do the honor of touching my life and allowing me to touch their's, they are the ones that will make this year or break it for me. And I plan to have this year turn out as I want it, I am going to live my life for me now, its my time, my time to live and to love and to shine out with the art that is me. I have new hope in my heart, heavier understanding and maturity, a few new sorrows in my eyes and heart, a few new scars, but stronger spirit, a brighter smile, and some very special new people to spend my time with.

Here's to the new year. It is what you make it, and my only new years resolution is to live, live and regret nothing.